I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
