We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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