I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found the puke drawer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
