exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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