He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
