evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
