if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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