Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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