there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
