Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
