so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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