i jhust puked up my retainher.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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