When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
