so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
