the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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