We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
