mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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