New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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