i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
