i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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