Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize