you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
