It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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