I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
