i was born a porn star she said
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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