There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
