so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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