So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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