We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
PANTIES FOUND
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