It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
barbara walters just said penis...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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