Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
