p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
