I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
