someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
