I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
