The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
