I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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