omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
