U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
