Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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