so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
