Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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