Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
