we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dick very happy bro
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize