five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
