i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
