he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry about my life...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
