i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
