Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
