My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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