You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
