flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
