No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
