if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
