I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
