He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
