I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
