RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
