I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
