Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
