True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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