1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
