i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize