I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
