I wanna bring you to show and tell
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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