I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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