i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
