Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
