You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize