M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
