remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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